I am, you might say, in the thick of things. I'm at the part where the work starts to drain you, just a little bit. Most of the drain comes from keeping all the work in mind. What you still need to do, what you need to prepare, what you need to buy: these are the things that dominate my head in a vicious cycle. The actual act of directing and deconstructing? That's fine. Sometimes, doing it for four hours straight is a bit mentally exhausting, but I've survived so far. The weight of everything else, well, I'm starting to get sick of that.
But it's all mental labor and I can't really complain, can I? But I get tired. I am made of only bone and robot parts. It is a constant, dull stress, picking at the cerebellum, itchy but unscratchable. I keep looking at the horizon, knowing that when I get there, I'll be over the hardest hill and it's all an easy downhill battle from here. That's a lie, though, isn't it? It gets to the point where I'm tired of even talking about PCN (Yet here I am!)
I also can't complain because this is the pill I decided to take. I knew what it was going to feel like. If I had the choice, I'd still take it. At the end of the day, I'm producing a whole goddamn play and that's an amazing feeling. I get to work with talented and capable people, and see this thing that was just a feeling in my head 288 days ago morph into something wholly new. I have my tentacles and tendrils of control into so many aspects that I get to identify with the show. I have never invested so much into a piece of art, and I'm wildly curious as to how it will turn out.
That's when I started officially planning and preparing for PCN. The start of my election, the start of page one in the script: 288 days ago. It will almost be a year of loving labor. The labor has defined those recent days of my life so much, I sometimes wonder what I'll do after. Besides graduate, that is.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have inquiry letters to write, insurance to apply for and monologues to write. I think when I am done with all this, I will shave my head.