It's 2:30 in the morning and I am going to tell you as many secrets as I can until I am bare and clean and empty as the day I was born.
- I was never good at handball.
- I don't like Crash and I don't like Avatar.
- When you tell me those are your favorite movies, I get gray hairs.
- I was suspended once in Middle School, and even though I tried to explain myself, I probably deserved it.
- Sometimes I think about sipping a cup of coffee, in my future mansion, while a childhood bully is on his knees installing tile under my feet. I just sip slowly and watch and say, "Yes, yes, this will do."
- On more than one occasion, I have liked something, then read a review, then disliked it.
- I buy CDs.
- I have trouble spelling the words "cemetery" and "committee" on first pass.
- When I was a kid, I used to draw a comic book series starring me and my friends. I drew dozens of them shits in little booklets of stapled paper.
- I write because I have to, but I only have to because math is hard.
- I wait until 6,000 miles to change my car's oil.
- The first person I ever looked up to was Bret "The Hitman" Hart.
- The second person I ever looked up to was Anfernee "Penny" Hardaway.
- Thinking about Penny Hardaway now makes me slightly depressed.
- I once stepped on a flightless bee on the pavement and felt nothing.
- I don't get Animal Collective.
- Several of these secrets are jokes.
- I have never been good at any multiplayer video game.
- When I am alone in my car on the freeway, I am a goddamn rock star.
- I often have to slap myself in the face, or say something illogical out loud, or cringe and pinch myself, when I start to think about something embarrassing.
- I wouldn't read half of the stuff on this blog if someone else wrote it.
- I have more unopened toothbrushes than I know what to do with.
- About a month ago, I saw an SUV with a door left open in a mall parking lot, and did nothing.
- I used to be an angry, depressed, faux-cynical, angsty pre-teen that listened to too much Adam Carolla and had wildly opposite opinions on racism and culture and society.
- I can't ride a bike or skate a skateboard.
- When I say I can rollerblade, I mean that I can avoid falling on my butt for 10 seconds.
- I saw Stars in concert and was thoroughly disappointed.
- I really, really hate the following bands: LMFAO.
- I don't know if aliens exist, or if ghosts exist, but the potential for Alien Ghosts excites me.
- Sometimes I don't care.
- I have peed in many places that did not deserve it.
- When I see all the Pokemon figures in the toy aisle at Target, I am vaguely jealous, because we never had them back in my day, just cards and games.
- Graphic design is fun to me all the way up to the point where someone asks me to redo it.
- I lose t-shirts with alarming regularity.
- I have become many things I have hated and I'm okay with that.
- In college, I had an awesome class about Bob Dylan & The Beatles, yet I still fell asleep.
- I have made mistakes.
- I like myself.
That should do it. I can't think of anything else that I've kept from the world. This may very well be every secret I have ever had. Now that it's out there, I feel, all at once, lighter, bolder, and less interesting.